Horseplayers come in all shapes and sizes.  Some of us play every day, some every weekend, others every once and a while.  There are times when it can be difficult to identify where you fit in relations to the most die-hard players in the game.  Thankfully, I've come up with a scientifically accurate quiz to help you determine whether you're a novice or a hardcore gambler.  The margin of error for this quiz is 0%.  The quiz determines all.

The Quiz

Question #1: Which statement best describes how you would celebrate Thanksgiving Day:

A) You spend the entire day with your family enjoying turkey, stuffing, cranberry, and pumpkin pie, with an occasional eye on whatever NFL game is on. No betting because, hey, it's Thanksgiving!

B) You are parked in front of the TV switching between football and TVG/HRTV, tossing an occasional spot play bet down before sitting down at the dinner table.

C) Football? Aqueduct in the morning.  Churchill Downs in the afternoon.  Hollywood in the evening.  You eat your turkey in your recliner with your laptop within easy reach.

D) You spend Thanksgiving in Vegas, at the track or at the OTB.

Question #2: Which statement best describes how you prepare for the Kentucky Derby?

A) You pick up a Form a couple of days before the race and spend the next two days handicapping your picks.

B) You start to follow the prep season during the last month when horses are running in the Santa Anita Derby, the Wood, Arkansas Derby, and the Blue Grass. 

C) Derby preparation begins in January with the first three year old stakes races of the year.  You have a file on your computer that tracks all of the winners from the preps, you have multiple Road to the Roses stables, and by Derby week you can name the jockey, trainer, running style, and recent races for every horse in the field.

D) You follow every maiden race during the summer/fall trying to pick out a two-year old that you can place a huge future wager down on when you are in Vegas....on Thanksgiving.

Question #3: You're at the track having a very successful day at the races and as you are waiting in line to make a bet on you big long shot play of the day, a 30/1 first time starter that you are certain is going to blow the field away.  While waiting in line an older man, obviously going through a long losing streak that day, asks you for advice on who to bet in the next race.  Which statement describes your most likely course of action:

A) You tell him about you live long shot in the next race because everyone deserves to cash a ticket.

B) You tell him to bet the favorite

C) You quickly pick a random horse out of the Form and tell him to bet it so you can get back to figuring out how you want to play the trifecta.

D) You tell him you like a different longest shot in the race because you don't want him to bet your horse and drive down the odds.

Question #4: Which statement best describes how you spend your non-betting dollars when you are at the track:

A) You buy hot dogs and soda, perhaps an ice cream cone and a souvenir hat, plus something for the kids if they are tagging along that day.

B) You'll buy a few beers and a hot dog if you get incredibly hungry, nothing else.

C) You sneak in food and pop so you don't have to spend any money on non-gambling items.

D) Your bankroll is like precious diamonds.  When you are at the track you don't eat and you don't drink.  Food is for the weak.

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I didn't think there was any way possible that I could tie tonight's absurd LeBron James fest into horse racing.  Thankfully, the New York Racing Association did it for me.

I love the description of this video on the NYRA YouTube site: "the county's shortest athletes weigh in on tonight's decision by one of the tallest."

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Finally back from what seems like an eternity away from the real world as I spent the last 7 days in Hanalei on the island of Kaua'i, a pretty nice and relaxing place but definitely a town that can make you feel a long, long way from the mainland.  

Prior to my trip to Kaua'i, I had planned on popping into a coffee shop or an internet cafe to check up on what was happening with the outside world but unfortunately the Hanalei coffee shop/internet cafe was all out of internet.  The sign on the door said "Check the courtyard of the brown building to the right for wireless internet".  So I walked over to the brown building on the right and found that while there was a wireless internet signal it was something akin to internet connections in 1990...except wireless.  

Hawai'i is a non-parimutuel state so no OTBs and no Daily Racing Form at the newsstands, so if you find yourself without a reliable internet connection (like me) it's pretty impossible to follow the racing action.  Of course, you are in Hawai'i so there is probably better things for you to do than betting on horses on your computer (like evacuating to higher ground because of tsunami warning).

If you've never been to Hanalei, or even Kaua'i, I highly recommend it, especially if you want to vacation somewhere with a little less of a "tourist crunch".  Hanalei might be the only town in America without a Starbucks, which is truly a great thing.  Okay, I'm sure there are towns out there without Starbucks but I rarely end up vacationing in them.  Even Mexico is pretty Americanized, depending on where you are at.  Hanalei has everything you need it's just very small and local as opposed to the big name brands of Starbucks and McDonalds.  Plus, if you are willing to hike a little bit you can find some stunning beaches containing only a handful of people.  Great, great place to relax but at the same time don't expect to maintain a whole lot of great contact with the outside world unless you really want to know what's going on.

Anyway, so I come home thinking that I really want to check out what happened in the Sham Stakes at Santa Anita on Saturday and much to my shocking surprise!!! I find out that the glorious All Weather Track in Arcadia was once again "rained out".  Nice.  At least the will make my Road to Kentucky Derby 136 post tomorrow a lot easier to compose.

At this point I've got about a million replay shows from Gulfstream, Santa Anita, Oaklawn, and the Fair Grounds on my DVR to watch over the next day and a ton of races to get ready for this coming weekend, including three Grade 1 races at Santa Anita this Saturday (Santa Anita Handicap, Kilroe Mile, and Santa Anita Oaks).  Plus we are about a month away from the beginning of the Keeneland spring meet, my favorite race meet of the entire season.  

I haven't played a race in a week so I'll probably be betting on $2,500 trotters tonight just to feed the beast...or perhaps there's a race in Australia somewhere.

Here are the notes and thoughts that are pouring out of my head on this Tuesday morning:

• There is a $126,946 Pick Six carryover at Santa Anita on Wednesday.  The fifth leg of the sequence is a five horse allowance event on the main track at 1 1/16 miles.  That is sure to be a heavy single race given the small field.  The Pick Six begins with a thirteen horse, six and a half furlong sprint on the downhill turf course, and concludes with the usual maiden claiming event.
• A big weekend of stakes action will take place this Saturday: three Grade 1 events, two Grade 2s, and Grade 3.  All of these races will take place at either Gulfstream or Santa Anita.  There is also an important ungraded event at Aqueduct, the Whirlaway Stakes for three year old colts.
• I've updated the North American Stakes Results spreadsheet with the winners and BSFs from last weekend.
  

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• Thursday marks the beginning of the Dubai Interantional Racing Carnival at the brand new Meydan Racecourse.  The new course sports a design much more similar to courses found here in North American, as opposed to the triangular shape of the old course at Nad Al Sheba.  At Meydan, however, the turf course will be outside the synthetic Tapeta surface, similar to what is done at Woodbine.  It remains to be seen how the track plays but, obviously, we should expect to see differences.   
  
  This year's Dubai World Cup will be run on March 27th.  British bookmakers have installed 2009 Eclipse Award winner, Gio Ponti, as the early betting favorite to win.  
  

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Re-posted in honor of the passing of Patrick Swayze, aka Dalton...

The year was 1989. Communism was in its last throes and the decade of the 80s, a decade most notable for Miami Vice, Mr. T., Reaganomics, and ending the Disco era, was winding down. Out of this darkness came beacon for American pop culture. Out of the neon, the pastel colors, and the Topsiders came Road House.

Road House isn't just a movie about a guy kicking the crap out of a bunch of henchmen at a bar in a small town in Missouri ....okay, it is about that. But it's also so much more. Road House is mullets of various shapes and sizes. Road House is advanced martial arts showcased in a environment of beer cans and pool tables. Road House is using a Bigfoot in order to destroy a local car dealership. And finally, Road House is a philosophical journey into our inner soul.

Road House is not a movie. Road House is a film.

Road House 101: Basic Terminology

Cooler: A security supervisor, or "head bouncer". Typically, a cooler will have a tremendous amount of experience in the business and possesses superior conflict resolution skills. Holding an advanced degree in Philosophy is also considered a plus, although not required.

Bigfoot: In Road House, one of primary modes of transportation for Brad Wesley's henchmen is a Bigfoot. Bigfoot is universally regarded as the definition of a Monster Truck. While many would find this mode of transportation ludicrous in today's world of $3.85 a gallon gasoline, back in the 80s, when gas was around $1.00 a gallon, driving a Bigfoot to work was as common as people today driving a Honda Accord.

1988 Eagle Premier: If it's the late 80s and you want to drive in luxurious conditions, this was the car for you. In Road House, if the henchmen weren't driving around in the Bigfoot they were driving around in this quintessential car of the late 80s.

It is widely, and incorrectly, believed that no Eagle Premiers made it through the 1990s unscathed. I can personally attest that this urban legend is patently false. As recently as 2006, a dark blue 1988 Eagle Premier was seen in the North Seattle area. Various parts of the vehicle were held together with duck tape, and rolling down the window on the passenger side was considered an irreversible act, but the car still ran and was a living tribute to the glory of Road House henchmen transportation.

Chicken Wire: While the definition of 'chicken wire' seems straight forward (it's used to keep in chickens, right?), in the world of Road House nothing is as it seems. At the Double Deuce, chicken wire was the primary instrument utilized in order to protect Jeff Healy and his band from beer bottles, cans, chairs, tables, pool cues, automotive parts, small children, and any other objects that the patrons decided to throw at them. However, due to the fact that chicken wire was designed to restrain chickens, and not items such as shards of glass, it proves to be a fairly useless deterrent.

Memphis: Killing a man by ripping his throat out with your bare hands.

Whenchmen: Brad Wesley's Henchmen. Other commentators have referred to these guys as 'goons'. A 'Goon' is a guy sent into a hockey game to separate the head of the other team's star player from his body. Whenchmen do the dirty work for their boss in small Midwestern towns.

Road House Folklore

Before I get to the Top 10 lines from Road House I'd like to clear up a common misconception. There are reports circulating around the Internet that Dalton's first name is 'James'. This rumor, in my opinion, is completely unconfirmed and should be considered pure speculation at best. At no point in the film is Dalton referred to as anything other than Dalton. We are never privy to a shot of his Drivers License, nor to the personal medical reports that he hands to Dr. Elizabeth Clay, therefore, confirmation of this myth has never occurred. I'm not saying that Dalton's first name couldn't be James, I just have never seen any evidence that supports that notion.

The Official Top 10 Road House Lines

10. Various Characters to Dalton - "I thought you'd be bigger?"

Road House fans might believe that this quote should be higher up on the list but I find that its rightful place is at the bottom of the Top 10. It must be included but it doesn't deserve to be ranked anything higher than tenth.

9. Wade Garrett - "I'll get all the sleep I need when I'm dead."

As it turns out, Wade Garrett isn't too far away from gettin' a whole lotta sleep.

8. Brad Wesley - "Christ, J.C. Penny is coming here because of me. Ask anybody, they'll tell you the same thing!"

Brad Wesley isn't so different from Dalton, after all, he came up in a rough neighborhood on the streets of Chicago. After serving his country in Korea he decided to settle in the quiet hamlet of Jasper, Missouri, population 1,011. Once in Jasper, Brad finally realized his destiny, or calling, if you will: 'Gather unto me what is mine.' It's not just a catchy phrase to Brad Wesley, it's a way of life. And it becomes Wesley's modus operandi, the driving force behind his desire to get rich off the people of this small Midwestern town.

Dalton's confrontation with Wesley at his lakeside abode gives us our first peak into the soul of this man of Jasper. Dalton accuses Wesley of "getting rich off of this town". Wesley makes no bones about it, "and I'm gonna get richer!" But Brad also has a civic minded side to him, one that becomes quite apparent when he runs through the laundry list of improvements that he has brought forth to this rural community. The list is long and distinguished: the 7-11, the Photomat, and most importantly an institution that completes any town, a J.C. Penny. So while we see Brad Wesley as a money grubbing crime lord, and a leader of a rough and tumble group of Whenchmen, we also see another side of the man. A side that is willing to give back to the community by facilitating the arrival of a national retail store that will offer the town folk a fine line of clothes, electronics, and house wares, and all at reasonable and sensible prices.

7. Frank Tilghman - "Well, it was a good night. Nobody died!"

There is a philosophy known as lowered expectations. The basic premise of this line of thinking is that by setting small, easily attainable goals, one can be convinced of success in a quicker time frame.

Dalton and Tilghman define "success" in very different terms. Dalton views the job done when the trash has been taken out. Tilghman is happy if he isn't sweeping eyeballs up after last call. Dalton digs deep into his vast Cooling experience and reminds Tilghman that "it'll get worse before it gets better"; a night where nobody dies is not the measure of success. Indeed, it does get worse. Much worse.

6. Denise - "Why won't you ever look me in the eye, Dalton?"
Dalton - "I'm shy."

/Road_House_1989_000.jpg" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5202991508320776210" border="0" alt="" style="float: left; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; cursor: pointer; cursor: hand;" />Dalton's not averse to the ladies. On the contrary, his longtime friend Wade informs us that Dalton got into a little "scrap" back in Memphis after becoming involved with a married woman. So he's no stranger to strained romances. But Denise is a different story altogether as she's the main squeeze of one Brad Wesley.

If you take one thing away from Road House it should be this: Dalton is an incredibly perceptive guy. I mean, he's got a degree in philosophy from NYU, they don't hand those things out on the street corner, for Christ sakes! Living by the mantra that 'preparation is the key to success', Dalton is never caught off guard due to his phenomenal ability to "expect the unexpected." This is true with both Whenchmen and members of the opposite sex. Dalton immediately smells the scent of peril with respect to Denise and quickly implements tactics in order to ensure that he does not fall prey to her 'charms'. His solution: NEVER look her in the eye! Well, maybe 'never' is an extreme term.

Who says a philosophy degree is useless?

5. Dalton to Doc Clay (aka - the woman wearing a picnic tablecloth as a dress) - "Nobody ever wins a fight."

Dalton has the unique ability to cut through all the B.S. and give it to ya straight. Doc Clay, after reading Dalton's personal medical history, becomes keenly aware of the vast array of cuts, breaks and bruises that the Cooler has suffered over the years. She comes to the logical conclusion that given Dalton's history of 31 broken bones, 9 stab wounds, 4 stainless steel screws, and two bullet holes, that Dalton isn't too good at successfully completing a bar room brawl in his favor. Dalton, however, points out the absurdity of fighting in the first place. Which makes you wonder: if Dalton is so aware that nobody wins a fight shouldn't he avoid the fight and the 31 broken bones, 9 stab wounds, 4 stainless screws, and 2 bullet holes that come with it? I'm just saying.

Perhaps that philosophy degree is useless.

4. Dalton - "Right boot."

Dalton's slowly but surely getting the Double Deuce into a workable condition. The chicken wire in front of the stage has been taken down, the bouncers have new uniforms, Carrie Anne is living out her dreams by singing with the band in between serving drinks, and the clothes of the customers have improved by a factor of ten. Looks like the job is almost done, right? Wrong!

Brad Wesley, due to a variety of self-serving and perverted reasons, does not want this bar to be a success in any shape or form. And he's prepared to send any and all Whenchmen at his disposal to the Double Deuce in order to thwart Dalton and Tilghman's plans. On this night, Wesley sends in a trio of particularly adept Whenchmen into the bar, including one who has modified the toe of his right cowboy boot to include a deadly blade. Brilliant!

3. Steve - "What if somebody calls my momma a whore?"
Dalton - "Is she?"

At Dalton's introductory class entitled, "Bouncing and Cooling 101", Steve makes a cardinal mistake that has been repeated by law students everywhere since the beginning of time; he asks a stupid question.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people that ask questions.

2. Morgan to Wade - "Mind your own business, dad!"

Wade Garret's time at the top of the mountain is slowly coming to a close. He's been considered the best Cooler in the business for a long, long time, but like all humans, time and age is catching up to him. His knees are a little stiffer when he gets done with a long ride on his Harley and his hair is now prominently infiltrated with gray. In short, Wade has reached the twilight years of Cooling.

Whatever we think of the aging Wade, we should not be so eager to completely close to book on his dominance in the field of Cooling. On Wade's first day in the town of Jasper he decides to stop by and visit his protege at the Double Deuce. When he arrives he finds Dalton out back where he is being roughed up by the same Whenchmen that have been a thorn in his side all movie long. Wade tries to peacefully enter the proceedings when he is informed by Morgan that a) he should mind his own business, and b) he's old.

Following this insult of Wade's Cooling prowess, he proceeds to kick ass on the assortment of Whenchmen, thereby thrusting himself right into the middle of the Dalton-Wesley war. This has dire consequences for Wade in the near future.

1. Dalton - "Pain don't hurt."

This line isn't just one of the best in Road House, it is truly one of the more thought provoking, blow your mind pieces of philosophy that has ever been uttered in the history of the American cinema.

Pain. Don't. Hurt.

Words to live by, kids. Words to live by.



Honorable Mention Road House Lines:

Wesley - "I see you found my trophy room, Dalton. The only thing missing...is your ass."

Tinker - "A polar bear fell on me."

Dalton - "I don't fly. [snips his suture] Too dangerous."

Dalton - "I'm telling you now: it's my way or the highway."

Perverted Boyfriend - "Hey buddy, what are you doing? Are you gonna kiss 'em or not?
Perverted Bar Patron - "I can't."
Perverted Boyfriend - "What do you mean, 'you can't'?"
Perverted Bar Patron - "I ain't got twenty bucks!"

Red - "I got married to an ugly woman. Don't ever do that, it just takes the energy right out of you. She left me, though. Found somebody even uglier than she was."

There is a common misconception floating around mainstream America regarding the movie Road House. That misconception centers on the belief that the movie strictly about mullets and bar fights. That couldn't be further from the truth because Road House is also about some really bitchin' cars!



Bigfoot 7; aka 1987 Ford F-350 (Notice the Eagle Premier next to the Bigfoot in the photo.)

The quintessential commuter car of the 80's (at least in the hamlet of Jasper, Missouri), we see Bigfoot on three different occasions during Road House.

1. In the parking lot of the Double Deuce, late at night after Dalton and Doc are ending their first date.

2. Parked out in front of Brad Wesley's house when the henchmen come back after an unsuccessful encounter with Dalton.

3. At the auto dealership where Wesley "puts a little something down on a new car".

If Road House has a flaw, and I stress "if", it would have to be the under use of Bigfoot throughout the film. I mean, surely, Brad Wesley could have found a few more things to run over or through, like perhaps the Double Deuce itself? If he's willing to destroy an entire auto dealership because of a bouncer (er "Cooler") at a bar, why not just destroy the whole freakin' bar? Likewise with blowing up Red's auto parts store; it's obvious that was to get back at Dalton and Doc. Why not just blow up the bar? Am I missing something? You've got a Bigfoot, use it!

If anybody else out there has an explanation as to why Brad Wesley didn't just use the Bigfoot run over the whole town of Jasper (excluding the Photo Mat, the 7-11, and the J.C. Penny's, of course), I'd really like to know.

1989 Eagle Premier

I would have loved to have been in the creative meetings with Director Rowdy Herrington when they decided on which vehicles to put in the film. Perhaps the conversation went something like this:

ROWDY: All right, guys, the henchmen need something to drive around Jasper in. Now we could just have them drive the Bigfoot everywhere, but that would be a little too cliche, don't you think? What are our options?

CREATIVE ASST. #1: How about a Corsica? It's one of the best selling cars in the country right now.

CREATIVE ASST. #2: Or a Beretta? Those are nice. I think it won an award from Motortrend, or something like that.

ROWDY: Are you guys kidding me? That's the best you can come up with, Corsica and Beretta? The is the car the henchmen drive, it's got to scream pure evil!

CREATIVE ASST. #1: Pure evil?

ROWDY: Yes, pure evil!

CREATIVE ASST. #2: I'm not sure there are too many cars that scream "pure evil", Rowdy.

ROWDY: Look, I don't want these guys driving all over Jasper to cause death and destruction in a car your Mom would drive to the grocery store. Okay? We need something intimidating. Something mysterious. Something so scary that no one in this country will ever think about buying one and the manufacturer won't even be making it in ten years! Oh, and maybe it can be designed by some Italian dude. You see what I'm saying?

CREATIVE ASST. #2: You want something no one will want to buy?

ROWDY: YES!

CREATIVE ASST. #1: And the company won't even make it in ten years?

ROWDY: Exactly!!

CREATIVE ASST. #2: And you want it designed by an Italian?

ROWDY: That would be perfect.

CREATIVE ASST. #1: I got two words for you, Rowdy: Eagle, Premier.

Originally developed through a partnership between American Motor Corp. (AMC) and Renault, the Eagle Premier is the primary mode of transportation for Brad Wesley's Henchmen. The exterior was designed by notable Italian automobile designer, Giorgietto Giugiaro, while the interior contained state-of-the-art push-button technology. It's a great car for the Whenchmen due to the standard bench seats in the front and back, seating up to six individuals.

And, yes, you read the director's name correctly; the first name of the man who directed the movie Road House is Rowdy. Isn't that like the director of Rocky being named Punchy?

1988 Mercedes-Benz 560 SEC

This car is used for two things: driving Dalton to Jasper from New York ("I don't fly. Too dangerous."), and as a distraction in order for him to infiltrate Brad Wesley's compound. That's it, that's all Dalton ever does with this fine automobile.

Dalton's a smart guy; once he gets to a new town he takes his Benz, puts a car cover over it and hides it. Then he heads down to the local used car lot and picks up whatever beater he can find (1987 Buick Riviera), along with four spare tires. Watching Dalton load a entire spare set of tires into his car you get the feeling that he's done this before. The genius of Dalton's actions becomes quite clear as the film progresses.

Kawasaki KRR 250

This is the bike that head Whenchman Jimmy is riding when he lets out his epic evil laugh after torching Emmet's farm. Jimmy wouldn't be laughing long as Dalton runs him down on foot, leaps over the bike and knocks him off, and then proceeds to beat the crap out of him, finished off by Dalton ripping out Jimmy's throat with his bare hands...or something like that.

Here's a factoid that you wouldn't get unless you watched Road House on DVD with the director's commentary turned on: Rowdy Herrington came up with the idea for the Dalton-rips-out-Jimmy's-throat scene based on an urban legend that was prominent where he grew up. According to Herrington, there were rumors that a guy was killed in the next town over after someone ripped out his throat during a fight. Nice.

Harley-Davidson Big Twin

Wade Garrett rides a motorcycle...excuse me, chopper...to Jasper to meet up with Dalton. For years I hadn't a clue as to what type of chopper it was, but considering the fact that Wade is dead about 30 minutes later it really didn't matter. However, through the magic of the Internet, I've found out that it was a Harley-Davidson Big Twin, whatever the hell that is.